Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Zhu-Khang joins the Steam marketing team

July 25, 2015 Leave a comment

This is not strictly speaking an AoC post but I found it funny so I’ll post it anyway. Zhu-Khang is the NPC in Tarantia Noble District who offers to sell you thirty gold for the low price of forty gold. I was reminded of him when I saw the following package deal on Steam:

(Click to enlarge.)

Categories: Humor

Soloing a T5 raid boss

October 27, 2014 2 comments

Here’s a funny screenshot from our recent alt T5 raid. The final phase of the Champion of the Honorguard fight can turn a little chaotic and on this particular occasion, we were eventually swamped by adds. My ToS was the last player character left alive, and fortunately her bubble wasn’t on cooldown, so I was able to stay alive for a few more seconds while the dots from the necros and demos finished off the boss — turns out he had just barely more than 1000 HP left at the time when the last player before me died.

Like in many fights, the adds drop dead as soon as the boss dies, which led to this nice screenshot with me as the only survivor while all the other raiders, as well as the mobs, are dead 🙂

Perfect kill! (Click to enlarge.)

Categories: Age of Conan, Humor

Overpowered guardian specs

August 24, 2013 4 comments

Dual-wield polearms!

(Click to enlarge.)

Pole and shield!

(Click to enlarge.)

Bolts are for weaklings, real men shoot polearms from their crossbow!

Helm of Fearless Souls

October 2, 2012 6 comments

I recently bought the Helm of Fearless Souls. While the stats are nice, in terms of appearance it . . . leaves much to be desired. So this post is a little ode to what is undoubtedly one of the ugliest helmets ever seen in Age of Conan.

Where is your god now?

It would take purple-prose skills of Lovecraftian proportions to do justice to the ugliness of this helmet. Phrases such as “grotesque obscenity” and “blasphemous abomination” come naturally to mind when contemplating its hideous abnormality. “Amorphous blight”, sadly, does not, for this priapic monstrosity is far from amorphous, indeed its shape is all too readily apparent:

Khitan sages are still disputing whether it was based on the Zang Xin,
the shark, the tiger, or even the noble quilin.

Not only will you be walking about with a giant throbbing red cock stuck to the back of your head, there’s even a hint of a pair of partly castrated balls underneath! And you’ll never look at the phrase exotic creature handling the same way again, in fact there’ll be a lot more than just handling going on once your lonely female rhino, mammoth, or tiger discovers the joys of this helmet!

Legend has it that when the Emperor neglected his concubines and
even his exhausted palace guards were no longer . . . up to their task,
their helmets would be used to finish the job.

We know that Funcom developers are stoned much of the time — it’s the only reasonable explanation for so many of their decisions — but the day they were designing this helmet, someone must have mixed an extra large dose of viagra amongst the other stuff they were taking.

After the crafting revamp you’ll be able to attach miniature flags,
flashing LEDs, and radio receivers to the tip of the helmet, for bonus perversity.

We can only hope that other classes will get a fleshlight-themed attachment on their helmets in the next tier, to balance out the ridiculousness more fairly across all the archetypes 😛

Categories: Age of Conan, Gear, Humor