Home > Age of Conan, Gear, Humor > Helm of Fearless Souls

Helm of Fearless Souls

I recently bought the Helm of Fearless Souls. While the stats are nice, in terms of appearance it . . . leaves much to be desired. So this post is a little ode to what is undoubtedly one of the ugliest helmets ever seen in Age of Conan.

Where is your god now?

It would take purple-prose skills of Lovecraftian proportions to do justice to the ugliness of this helmet. Phrases such as “grotesque obscenity” and “blasphemous abomination” come naturally to mind when contemplating its hideous abnormality. “Amorphous blight”, sadly, does not, for this priapic monstrosity is far from amorphous, indeed its shape is all too readily apparent:

Khitan sages are still disputing whether it was based on the Zang Xin,
the shark, the tiger, or even the noble quilin.

Not only will you be walking about with a giant throbbing red cock stuck to the back of your head, there’s even a hint of a pair of partly castrated balls underneath! And you’ll never look at the phrase exotic creature handling the same way again, in fact there’ll be a lot more than just handling going on once your lonely female rhino, mammoth, or tiger discovers the joys of this helmet!

Legend has it that when the Emperor neglected his concubines and
even his exhausted palace guards were no longer . . . up to their task,
their helmets would be used to finish the job.

We know that Funcom developers are stoned much of the time — it’s the only reasonable explanation for so many of their decisions — but the day they were designing this helmet, someone must have mixed an extra large dose of viagra amongst the other stuff they were taking.

After the crafting revamp you’ll be able to attach miniature flags,
flashing LEDs, and radio receivers to the tip of the helmet, for bonus perversity.

We can only hope that other classes will get a fleshlight-themed attachment on their helmets in the next tier, to balance out the ridiculousness more fairly across all the archetypes ๐Ÿ˜›

Categories: Age of Conan, Gear, Humor
  1. Sapiento
    October 2, 2012 at 16:14

    Mitra bless those devs who gave us Vanity tab!

  2. Misiuggah
    October 3, 2012 at 15:30

    Spoiled brat – gearing up in T4 and being fussy ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Sapiento
    October 4, 2012 at 15:26

    If we didnt have Vanity tab I would consider passing for DragonTear ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. Mackan
    October 8, 2012 at 12:18

    I agree, the Vanity tab was the best descion ever made (to bad it wasnt ingame from launch). And I dont mind that some stuff have “special” skin but this is just to much. Great post as always Cyn! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Sapiento
    October 10, 2012 at 07:39

    It looks even more ridiculous on my chars head… o.O

  6. DivochLubo
    October 26, 2012 at 20:50

    Think you can be lucky to have woman character all gear look better at them even those ugly ones ๐Ÿ™‚

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